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Monday, May 10, 2010

Foot or Horseback?

"He doesn't know if he's on foot or horseback."  My Dad used to say that, in fact he probably still says it.  Strange saying worth pondering, but today it seems to make sense to me.  I've only ever ridden a horse once or twice at my uncle's farm when I was maybe 12, so this expression doesn't really call me out, but I'm starting to understand the gist of it.

Maybe I'm thinking of it because my friend had to give up her horse this past weekend.  She is out of sorts and sad and I feel badly for her.  I'm certain she is missing her dearly loved Cody.  She knows she's on foot and no longer on horseback.  I brought her hot coffee and a yummy biscotti this morning as a bit of cheer.

I know I'm on foot, but somehow I don't feel very grounded.  I'm marching along in oblivion trying to feel like a regular ordinary person having a regular ordinary day but it rarely seems like that.  I think I'm becoming bi-polar.  I feel my moods slide from high to low; one day up, next day down, sometimes just mid-stream.  Does one become bi-polar?  Can you catch it from someone else?  Is it a communicable disease?  Is it just a temporary state of mind?

I don't know if I'm on foot or horseback, if I'm happy or sad, if I'm depressed or hanging in there, if it's fair or partly cloudy.  I'm just muddling along pretending that I do.  Maybe everyone else is too.

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