'Tis that time again....late afternoon in the office, dog at my side, all caught up on the work "to do" list, and time to entertain myself by posting on my blog. No one is following my blog except me, myself, I and occasionally my friend Annie when I sort of make her look. That's cool and perhaps somewhat egotistical. I'm good with it though. My thoughts are my thoughts and really, who cares more about my thoughts than me? Having a blog is rather self-serving, and the way I'm serving myself I think I'll leave a good tip....at least 20%. I don't need to serve anyone else, but should others be interested in my writing and my thoughts I'd be okay with that too.
I am trying not to give up on music, but must admit that right now I'm rather angry at music. I don't even know if music is what I'm really angry at. Music is all around me, taunting me like an old love one constantly bumps into. I want to love music the way I used to, but I'm gun shy. What if I let myself listen to these sounds that used to hold my passion? Music no longer measures up, captures, no longer enthralls, or charms. I can not get lost for hours in its exquisite trance....music is just there, wrapped in simple brown paper, offering no embrace, no effect on my mood, no meaning. It is cooked without salt; it does not satisfy. It will surely re-break my heart if I try to love it again.
What to do? Do I continue to try? Do I stay with my musician friends and pretend that participating brings joy? Do I live with this partial palate of sounds accompanied by noisy appliances in the background? Do I hope that God will smile on me and make it all better? Or do I chose a new path? Do I abandon the hope that my lover will take me back? Do I find a new love to compete with the old? I don't know. Right now I'm too confused to decide.
I think my self-serving tip for the day may not be worth the usual 20%. Today's special seems worth no tip at all. Good news is, the work day is most done, and I can be on my way.....to drumming. That should cheer me up.