Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I Need to get out More

I wonder about things far too often.  Things of no consequence.  Things that occupy my mind when it should be otherwise engaged with more pertinent and compelling subjects.  Sunday afternoon I went to the local chain pharmacy.  In fact I went to both of them.  They are conveniently sited across the street from one another, but that's an entirely different competition-esque topic.  Anyway.....I was looking for a jigsaw puzzle which is irrelevant to what I started wondering about.

On the exterior of the building was a sign indicating that the store was an "agency liquor store."  Somehow this struck me oddly.  I assume most people do not go to the pharmacy for jigsaw puzzles and in my own defense I did buy aspirin and Tylenol PM,  (They had no jigsaw puzzles or I would have bought one of those too.)  but do most people head on over to the CVS to stock up their bar for the upcoming party?  "Gee Honey, take a run over to the pharmacy so we have enough gin for our party tonight."  Huh?  "Get some disposable shavers while you're at it."

As I'm wandering the aisles of "drugs"....pain relievers, cough medicine, hemorrhoid preparations, hydrogen peroxide, vapor rub, wart removers, bandages, Depends, vitamins, ointments, and more I start thinking about the booze in this setting.  They had an end aisle display of Captain Morgan's spiced rum which was on sale. A remembrance of my friend Patsy drinking that with me 25 years ago took a hop, skip, and jump through my mind before I noticed that the Bud Light Lime 6-pack was actually about 70 cents cheaper here at the agency liquor store than at the local grocery.  Hmmm.  That made me decide to check out the wine aisle which I admit was a disappointment.  No good bargains there, well except for the brand that was selling 3 bottles for $10.  I took a pass on that.  Ugly label too.  Nothing worse than bad tasting wine with an unsightly label.

A long ago friend of mine did wonderful and funny impersonations of ordinary people.  One of her stock impersonations was of the elderly woman who worked at the local college town multi-purpose store.  The impersonation included of peering first through eyeglasses dangling at the tip of the nose, and then over them in order to stare customers down.  Another imitated the machinations of an old fashioned cash register, the type you punched the price of the item with numeral buttons and then it made a clunky "cha-ching" sound when the drawer popped open.

As the story portrayed, this woman, in order not to lose her place (perhaps she was having some post-menopausal brain fog) would state the name of each object to be purchased while she simultaneously rang it into the register.  According to my friend's routine when the woman's Puritan senses were negatively heightened by something a young college student was purchasing, she would use a louder and more pronounced voice surely heard by most anyone in the check out line or in the store.  For example, "One light blue t-shirt, 2 milky way candy bars, one PENTHOUSE MAGAZINE, and 3 pencils."  Many a red face stood at that counter enduring her unbridled wrath.

I think it might be fun to have this woman as the cashier in the pharmacy with the agency liquor store:  "One box Johnson & Johnson band-aids, 1 bottle aspirin, 2 boxes SUPER-PLUS SIZE TAMPONS, one GALLON VODKA, one HOME PREGNANCY test, and 3 packages juicy fruit gum.  What a mis-mash of stuff.  What a way to send shoppers across the street to the "other" chain pharmacy.

Drugs and booze in the same store....who'd have thunk it?  I wonder if they sell cigarettes too.  If you could get a tattoo, dirty magazines, and condoms (oh wait, they do have condoms) this would definitely be one stop shopping.  I told you; I wonder too much.

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