Friday, May 7, 2010

In the Night

Anxiety visits at 3:00 a.m.
In shoulds, should haves,
What ifs, why didn't I's?...
In multiplying doubts.

Can not my mind
Consider these things
During normal business hours?

Darkness breeding darkness
In thought.
My mind pummels me,
Shames me, scolds me.
Expressing dissatisfaction
Of my deeds and decisions,
Both recent and past.

Sheep are counted
To no avail.
Positive and noble thoughts lose
The battle of reason.
Little upheavals morph
Into mountainous challenges,
At 3:00 a.m.

Fear, fault, failures,
Loss, broken dreams, grief...
Displacing rationality.

It happens over and over.
Why do I listen to this
I lose sleep and
Consume the spiraling blackness
Of thought.

In the morning light,
I flog myself for falling victim
To it's taunting.
Behind my eyes the burning
Reminds me of the past night's
Failure to tame
The bewitching spell
Of anxiety.

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