Tuesday, August 24, 2010

So Frickin' Bad

There's a song that is obnoxiously popular that starts "I wanna be a billionaire, so frickin' bad...."  I know it's immensely popular because I almost never listen to the radio anymore, and I've heard it enough times lately for it to be super stuck in my brain.  I'm singing it; I'm posting it on my Facebook page in the "what's on your mind?" box; it's getting ugly.  Remember I'm a deaf musician.  I really can't hear much of music anymore, and yet, I got this one stuck in the craw.  Expect this one to be on the Grammy awards come early next year....just sayin'.

Since I've been singing the phrase over and over in my head, I started wondering what do I want to be/have/do/try/etc so frickin' bad?  I suppose being a billionaire wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but that's not what I really want to be so frickin' bad.....but there must be something that I do want so frickin' bad, mustn't there be, n'est-ce pas?

Sometimes I want to be multiple people.  For instance, tonight I would really like to be doing at least 4 different things.  If I were 4 people, or if I had 4 brains I could be writing this blog, watching the DVD I borrowed from the library, reading one of two books I'm working on, or doing something artistically creative.  Forget about the studying of interesting topics I always have the best intention of challenging my mind with....What will happen is I'll finish this post and be too tired to engage in my other desires.  Let's try it out:  "I wanna be 4 different people, so frickin' bad"....that lyric doesn't quite fit with the song.  Rats.

I think somewhere along the way we stop dreaming and reaching.  That's unfortunate.  We settle; get in the steady smooth rut and forget that though it may be a little bumpier on the side roads, they're also filled with interest, unexpected treasure, and unusual characters.  There's nothing holding me back from taking a tour down one of these side roads except me....that's kind of sad in itself.  "I wanna take a trip down a side road, so frickin' bad."...that lyric doesn't fit with the song either, but I like the sentiment.

Lately I've felt like I really, really need a vacation.  It's been at least 3 years since I had a true vacation...turn off the cell, leave other people the files/folders/contact info, put the email on self-answer and get out of Dodge.  But do I want to spend my so frickin' bad on just 10 days or 2 weeks away?  That seems like too small a wish to implant into a song.  "I wanna 2 week vacation, so frickin' bad."  It kind of works; it just seems too limited.  Not enough passion.

I do have passion for things, but my passion slips and slides around.  Does that make me fickle?  Am I unable to settle into something for the long haul...follow it to it's depths?  A friend once said "you're always re-inventing yourself".  I don't know if that was a compliment or a slight.  I think this song needs to have something I can feel strongly passionate about for the long haul inserted before so frickin' bad, or it misses the point; it's lame.  Maybe what I need is passion....for something....n'est-ce pas?  Where is my passion?  Where did it go; when will it be back?  "I wanna be passionate so frickin' bad."  Now that does work with the song.

Maybe the constant search is what it's about.  Maybe we don't ever figure it out or find the answers.  All those individuals we meet that seem to have it licked, all in order, the life they want....maybe they too are marching their minds round and round trying to figure out what they want so frickin' bad.  They may just be giving the illusion of contentment and bliss.  Perhaps they are lost as well, or just too ashamed to admit that they are to anyone, even themselves.

While I  continue to ponder this frickin' question in an on-going manner, I think I'll share a few photos just to keep sanity in check.  At times it feels like it's slipping further and further from my grasp.  The light is escaping the sky earlier and earlier and we've had 4 days now of uninspiring gray....but I tried to find some beauty out there in the little time I had this evening.  As always....thanks for stopping by and visiting.

This was the one picture I took during the day today.  Today the wind was gusty and unpatterened and this American flag was sporadically dancing at the wind's whim.

This evening I had only a short time to catch some pictures.  These New Guinea impatiens have been enjoying my front steps all summer.  They seem more vibrant since the air has cooled.

As oft is the case, I combined my photo ops with Tula's walk.  That can lead to blurry shots when she yanks on my left arm while my right arm is making the one handed photo catch.  This Queen Anne's lace is one of the few that has yet to curl up and start the fading process.

It's not that I dislike fall, I dislike that fall leads to winter.  When I see signs like this and it is still August, a sense of sadness cascades over me.

This barren tree and barren sky....yah, I don't wanna go there...frickin' bad or otherwise.

These lovlies were just asking to have their picture taken.  They made up for the stark trees and grey sky.

My favorite shot this clue what they are but I loved the pointy blossoms saluting from amidst the greenery.

I heard the weather tonight....not sounding like a mood lifter for tomorrow, but one never knows.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

It took me weeks to get that song out of my head - had to stop listening to pop music altogether, and now it's back ;)

Great post - gave me tons to think about