Linking with Kat for this month's Photo Heart Connection. Thank you Kat.
This linky has grown to be a favorite for me. I've enjoyed Kat's Find Your Eye series of classes very much-PHC feels like that experience revisited. I've met some sincere friends thru the classes-those that journeyed with me. I connect with them here in this forum, or maybe even more often, but definitely for a check-in. I like that.
Choosing the monthly PHC image is a crap shoot for me. That doesn't sound very nice, but it's true. The image I'm sharing today is not the one I thought might be "it" yesterday. And for the last few days, the "it" has been changing.
This morning The Curtain is it. I didn't know why at first, I just knew it. I recently bought two new lenses-yay me-using money I earned selling books and calendars from Cuba. I decided to put those dollars into better equipment. While my "better" lenses are only a jump to like advanced beginner status, that's what I could afford. I think I've used my kit lens to it's fullest and it's nice to move up a notch.
OK-yah. What the hell do curtains and lenses have to do with one another? you might ask if you haven't already bailed out on my lengthy writing. (You're so good to me).
My connection: I was showing a friend my new lenses. She's interested in photography and has sort of fallen off the bandwagon. Her camera is broken. Done. She's considering something new, but having a hard time keeping the energy going for that. I think it's like when you stop going to the gym, it's really hard to maintain the motivation to get back to that routine and sustain it.
My impulse images are often my best-this is one. I was explaining to her "see blah, blah, blah this can do longer this or sharper that or wider aperture blah, blah. So I could just point at that curtain, snap, and there it is".
Later I realized that curtain shot was pretty good. Light, subtle contrasts, etc.
I am good at explaining things. Things I understand. This photo again reminds me of how much I enjoyed being a teacher-how I have a passion for that. I have no passion for my current work. It is hard to go to work day after day when it's killing you little by little from the inside out.
I would like to return to teaching music but I can't. My hearing loss was sudden and severe. Sound is all distorted such that I can't tell if I'm singing the right notes, and I can't tell if someone else is either. I can't help children learn about sounds they hear and make, if I can't hear them myself. I can't hear well enough to take on a room full of students even in a different subject. It just won't work. I can't hear what they're saying unless I can fill in the blanks by reading lips when they're standing nearby, even wearing high quality hearing aids.
My hearing loss did however lead me to photography. Finding a new way to be creative-with a different sense I'd never paid attention to. I'd like to do some teaching about photography and taking images. People get so wigged out about shooting manual. I recently went on a photowalk with a friend and took her from shooting automatic to manual in an hour and a half.
I'm sure you might be thinking "leap of faith" "go get it" "what are you waiting for?" "adult ed" and all those other encouraging things. Thank you for that BUT for me teaching works when I feel prepared, and feels horrible when I'm not. This is a seed. The end product needs to find vision, structure, content that will work-that I can do with confidence. I need to understand ALL the features on my own camera, and a Nikon which is same, but with controls reached in different ways, and I suppose with iphones that many are using exclusively and I've been unable to shoot anything but my shoe with. I also want this to offer me some profit. I like working, but not for no money. I am doubtful I can do this as my job, but maybe it will take some of the edge off that other job I hate or lead to a different avenue.
So, this curtain is a reminder, a nudger, a seed-that may grow or morph or sit deep in the ground like winter waiting to break forth. We'll see. I do know that it has to come from me and no one else, despite those who want to help and to urge me on. I appreciate that, but it makes it hard to hear what my heart is saying.
I wrote this for me not you, but if you read it to the bottom, much appreciated. You're awesome.
Hope your PHC was fruitful this month too or if you're coming thru a different path that you may think about joining this practice. It almost always reveals something.